8 “Now you, son of man, listen to what I am speaking to you; do not be rebellious like that rebellious house. Open your mouth and eat what I am giving you.” 9 Then I looked, and behold, a hand was extended to me; and lo, a scroll was in it. 10 When He spread it out before me, it was written on the front and back, and written on it were lamentations, mourning and woe.

3:1Then He said to me, “Son of man, eat what you find; eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel.” 2 So I opened my mouth, and He fed me this scroll. 3 He said to me, “Son of man, feed your stomach and fill your body with this scroll which I am giving you.” Then I ate it, and it was sweet as honey in my mouth.

At the Great Commission Bible Institute (where David and I are the Site Coordinators this year), we have been making our way through the prophets of the Hebrew scriptures, and most recently we were studying Ezekiel. As I sat in on class for a bit, something struck a chord in me and God sweetly reminded me of a truth in those verses. The verses above are from the end of chapter 2 and the beginning of chapter 3; these are words from Ezekiel’s commission. God is calling this man to a life of being His messenger in a very dark time with a very hard message. The people of Israel had been repeatedly forsaking their God and refusing to heed His warnings to return to Him and escape the coming destruction. But after grace upon grace, the reality of being taken from their land and dragged into captivity was upon them.

The setting of this moment in Ezekiel’s life is on the banks of the Chebar river in Babylon among the rest of his exiled people, dealing with the aftermath. If things had gone according to plan in Ezekiel’s life, he would have been just beginning to fulfill his priestly work in the temple in Jerusalem: the fulfillment of many years of preparation and anticipation. And yet here he was… sitting on the bank of a river in a land that might as well have been the other side of the world from where he longed to be. So my guess is that he is bearing the weight of disappointment and disillusionment as the one thing he desired for his life was stripped away from him.

And in the midst of that hopelessness, God breaks into his world in a catasrophic way and begins to lay out a call on his life that is so different than what he wanted, but here it was, coming straight from the mouth of God. He was swept up into the presence of God in His glory. And Ezekiel’s response is to fall on his face in worship. Here’s where the commission begins; where God begins to lay out the plan that He has for Ezekiel. He lets him know the specifics of his calling, that he will be sharing a message to the rebellious people of the house of Israel. He lets him know that they will most likely NOT listen to him. He lets him know that according to all logical and human standards, he is going to fail (if you read the rest of the book you realize that not only is he going to seemly fail, he is going to seem absolutely insane to everyone around him). But He tells him to do it anyways. Don’t focus on the acceptance of the message, focus on being obedient to what I’m telling you to do. There’s a lesson right there that we all need to let sink in.

But the part that really impacted me was even yet to come. So after God lays out for him the details of what his call is, there’s this weird part about God handing him a scroll to eat. He spread out the scroll and let Ezekiel see all the pain and hardship that was written on it, and then God asked Ezekiel to “eat what I am giving you.” Ezekiel intimately shared in the brokenness of God’s heart in the moment that he ate of the scroll. The call on Ezekiel’s life was not an easy one to swallow, it would be bitter and painful and offer him no earthly sense of accomplishment, and yet God, in His ultimate goodness was asking Ezekiel to trust Him enough to say “yes” to His plan. So Ezekiel accepted the difficult task ahead of him; He stepped over the mountain of disappointment in loosing his dream career, and he humbly received the new job God had for him, knowing the pain it would bring into his life. And here is the beautiful part…. “and it was sweet as honey in my mouth.” God made it sweet to him. There is no way that commission would be sweet on it’s own. But God gave Ezekiel the grace that he would need to accomplish the difficult task.

The things God may call us to face in our lives may be scrolls inscribed with lamentation, mourning, and woe. But if we will be humble enough to receive them from His hand with trust, He will make them sweet to us as well.

Sometimes I don’t want to blog because I can’t sum up all that I’m thinking and processing in a single eloquent post, which then paralyzes me from ever communicating anything of what is going on in my life. It may be that it’s the first day of a new year and I am thinking of the potential of all that a new year represents, or it may be that I spent most of the day watching Community in my in-law’s living room and I’m wanting to feel some sense of accomplishment before the day is over, but I am resolving to revamp what I use this blog for. Mostly I want to trick myself into not feeling pressured or obligated to write blog posts….. so that I actually start writing blog posts. Every post doesn’t need to change your life. Isn’t it all about the little moments, anyways? So all this is is me committing to thinking about what I want this blog to be… I’ll get back to you. And hopefully 2012 will be a year full of posts that honestly and creatively express those little moments that may or may not change your life.

Cheers to a new year of possibilities… Happy 2012!

So this morning I was reading Matthew 14:13-21, and I want to share what God encouraged me with.

Jesus has just heard about his cousin John being beheaded. He retreated on the lake to spend some time hashing out his grief with His Father. And as he is returning to shore he sees the crowd awaiting his arrival. He sees them and is filled with compassion and begins to heal the sick. After a while his disciples are getting a little frustrated; it’s getting dark, they’re hungry, people are getting crabby. They try to get the Lord to finish up the whole ministry thing so they can go get some food and rest. But Jesus sees an opportunity for an object lesson. You know the rest of the story, they bring Jesus all the food they can find, 5 loaves  of bread and 2 fish, and watch as five thousand people are miraculously fed. Here’s the kicker: There were 12 baskets leftover. One for each disciple.

I love this. First of all I love what we learn from the Lord about where to take our sorrow and grief. He gets alone with His Father, plugs into His source, allows Himself that time to pray His tears before God. Because of that He is able to come to shore and right away begin pouring Himself out onto the crowds again. Our intimate time spent alone with God is what allows us to be able to live a life for others. Strength and endurance for  ministry, an ability to get over ourselves and be about others is a fruit of having a vibrant private life with the Lord.

Then we see that the disciples haven’t quite grasped this yet. They are going on their own strength. They see the circumstances and think, “this will never work.” Where Jesus saw the crowds of people as an opportunity for ministry, his disciples saw the crowd of people as an inconvenience. How often does the Lord provide an opportunity for ministry in my path, and I see it as an inconvenience? Probably too often.

I think this is where Jesus sees a teachable moment for his disciples. He could have had manna fall from heaven or snapped His fingers and had 5000 hamburgers appear in people’s laps. But instead he had his disciples gather what they had and bring it Him. And they watched as God stretched what they had to accomplish something so much bigger than they ever could have imagined. They got to see a physical picture of how Jesus wants ministry to work. We bring Him what we have. He multiplies it and makes it work. How many people will He feed with the little you are able to bring Him?

And then my favorite part. The 12 baskets left. Jesus was sending the point home. If you trust Me and do what I say, even when it doesn’t seem to you like it could ever work…. If you will not trust your view of the situation as much as you trust My view of the situation…. If you will step out in obedience and live a life for others even when you’re tired, hungry, and crabby, I will make you full and satisfy you in ways you never could have done yourself.

This was God’s encouragement to me as we get GCBI started this weekend. Kirsten, plug into Me for strength, bring Me what you have and watch as I multiply it, and relentlessly pour yourself out for the people I put in front of you, and you will be filled and refreshed by Me.

It has been a very significant few weeks as we had our last few stops along the tour trail, and made our way back to Montana for some quality time with the Nickisch clan. To catch you up, we spent just over a week in Avon, Indiana, a little town outside of Indianapolis, In with some friends of mine from my time in YWAM Amsterdam. They are so much fun and I had a blast reconnecting and reminiscing with them. Amanda also claims to be one of my biggest fans, so as soon as she knew we were going to be making our way through, she was on the job of getting opportunities for my music to be heard. They are a part of a really neat church in Avon called Nehemiah Project. I led worship on Sunday there and shared in the house groups throughout the week. That community of believers just rallied around us as they caught the vision of what my music is all about and our heart in traveling around to share it. This town is also where I got to play in, officially, the COOLEST venue ever! One of the families at the church have an old barn on their property that they let friends sometimes use for weddings and concerts. We turned the inside of the barn into a concert venue with old tree branches, mismatched chairs and couches, an antique frame propped up behind where I sat, and about a kajillion candles. It was the moist beautiful setting to sit and soak in some heartfelt folky tunes. It was such a successful venue that we planned to make our way back through Avon and have another show in the old red barn in July. But this time it will be a Singer/Songwriter showcase since there are a number of talented musicians in their church body and surrounding community. I am really excited to revisit this little town and see if we can draw even more people in for a one-of-a-kind show!

After Avon we made our way north to Goshen, IN with an exciting yet strange thought looming… this would be my last show on the tour. We had set our date to head back to Montana months before in order to be back for David’s baby sister’s graduation from High school, and now that date was only 2 days away. It had seemed so distant a little while ago, but how time has flown. So anyways,  after a passing a few horse and buggy’s, we arrived in Goshen where we met up with Jeremy Byng, whose dad we know from Sebring, at Grace Community Church. Jeremy was kind enough to rework their normal once-a-month worship night so that I could share my songs and their stories for part of the night. After I did so, Jeremy and I led some worship together, which was awesome. People were very responsive and there were a few people that shared with me that how they had really heard from God in a specific and impacting way through my songs. We also got to share about our plans for the next step in our lives of working as the Site Coordinators for the Great Commission Bible Institute in Sebring, Florida. A couple interested young people grabbed us to express their interest in the program so  it was a fitting end to the tour; I got to share my music and then we got to sing the praises of this awesome Bible school we get to be a part of. It left us feeling a sense of closure and a sense of a new chapter opening at the same time. God is good.

Now we are back in Montana… well, at least for another 7 hours until we will be in the air. We’ve spent the week wrestling with nieces and nephews, snuggling newest little additions to the family, and enjoying the Montana air (which David swears is fresher than anywhere else). What an amazing journey it has been to see a vision realized and to see that the God of the Universe is leading us and guiding us in the details of our lives. We are truly blessed to be walking with Him and seeing His goodness to us displayed over and over again.

My brother Matt was our tour guide when he wasn’t at work; we had so many awesome moments with him as we got to share our hearts and to hear the ways he’s been growing in recent years. It was a very significant time in our relationship with him, which was a reminder that this tour is as much about relationship as it is about sharing my music. But there was opportunity for that as well. I shared with Matt’s fellowship group, one of the small groups that are made up of people who attend Tim Keller’s church, Redeemer Presbyterian. It was a great night. Matt was so proud to have his younger sister sharing with his friends, especially in a context that has meant so much to his recent spiritual growth.

A few days later David and I grabbed my guitar and made our way the few blocks to Central Park where I set up shop in one of the many tunnels along the path. I played for a couple hours while Matt played photographer with his iPhone and every so often a passersby threw in coins, dollar bills, and even $12 to walk away with one of my CDs! It was definitely fun, and worth it for how excited Matt was… plus I made $14.45 which is some significant income when your traveling around the country without jobs!

As we were looking toward leaving NY and heading West, it became clear that some of our contacts had fallen through and we were all of a sudden unsure where we were supposed to go and what we were supposed to do for a week. Our departure date from NYC was looming and we were totally in the dark about what was next. As we have done many times on this tour, we fell to our knees praying, “Lord, we’ve made our plans but you are directing our steps. You take over!” Obviously He wanted us somewhere other than where we thought, so we began to try to tune into what He may be doing. I ended up getting in touch with someone who I’ve never met, but have heard a lot about through a mutual friend. This new friend lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania a few hours from NY and in the general direction of where we are trying to get to next. We were thinking, “This is awesome, we have a free place to stay!” And yet God had much more in mind than just a place to stay. Shannon, our new friend in Lancaster ended up being a divine appointment as we got to encourage her in her walk with God meerly by sharing our story of walking in faith and surrender. She also set up 2 different opportunities to share my music with her church community.

It was was such a cool few days as we were reminded afresh that God is moving us around to the right places at the right times for us to do the work He needs done. His eyes are roaming to and fro through out the earth looking for hearts who are willing to lay down their plans and pick up His, willing to surrender their sense of control over their lives, in order to let Him be shown strong. It is amazing to be used in this way! We are so blessed to be able to make ourselves so available during this season of our lives.

There's a story that comes from one of my favorite works of C.S. Lewis. It tells of Shasta, a young boy on a mission to save a kingdom. It's a mission unbeknownst to him. In his mind, he's just a kid on the run. In his flight, he meets a young girl named Aravis. They travel together with many an adventure, narrowly escaping one predicament only to be thrown headlong into another. Along their journey they encounter a lion. There are tales from tha … Read More

via By the Light of the Green Lamp

As I sit to write this, outside our Urban Hope guest apartment is a symphony of sirens, battling sound systems blaring regetone and hiphop, and the occasional playful screams of neighborhood kids. We are in North Philly. On Sunday, I led worship at Urban Hope Community Church, a ministry in the heart of the inner city that my step brother and his fiance (Tommy and Magie) have recently moved into the neighborhood to be a part of. It has been inspiring to be around people who are committed to seeing the gospel lived out in a place where life is raw and struggle abounds. But there is a pure beauty to seeing the lives in this place that are being transformed. People who were once wrapped up in a life on the streets, who have seen the power of Christ free them from addiction and hopelessness. Even in the service on Sunday, many people stood to receive Christ and many stood to express a desire to  walk more closely with Him. We shared a meal together with this congregation during a communion service that night. People were asked to share their most deeply cherished promises from the Word that keep them going when things are hard. Person after person stood to recite verses that had become like anthems to keep them marching forward. It was very encouraging to be reminded of the power of the Bible… God’s words are living and active, transforming us and renewing us, and His promises to us are certain no matter what rages on around us.

Rewind a few days and instead of sirens, sound systems and screams, all we were hearing from our  room with a view was the intermittent neighing of horses  and  Adrielle’s (Ben and Chrsitina Ogden’s baby girl) sweet little voice in the other room. We were in the hills of River Valley Ranch in Manchester, Maryland. It was a very peaceful setting and our time with our friends there was equally as peaceful. It was a pleasure to be around their little family; David especially got his baby fix (he’s counting down the days til he gets to snuggle his nieces and nephews in Montana). We got a glimpse into their world there… we went hiking, ate some meals in the cafeteria, and David tackled the climbing wall. It was fun to be around that kind of a ministry that really reminded me of my dad’s love of outdoor education. He would have loved this place, with it’s bon-fires, high ropes course,  and it’s mission to use the outdoors as a learning ground for our need for God and each other. I shared a concert on Thursday night with a room full of staff and interns at the Ranch. Afterward we sat around drinking hot cocoa and answering their questions about what we have experienced in the course of our journey. An added bonus of our time there was that a few years ago, Ben and Christina did the job we are about to step into at the Great Commission Bible Institute, so we picked their brains about that and left feeling more prepared and confident in our role.

A few days before that we were a short ways from DC, staying with our very dear friends who I recorded The Coming Glory with. During this time we also made a trip to Lusby, Maryland, where I had a chance to meet some more Nickisch’s! David hadn’t seen this particular cousin since highschool, and since they both began a walk with God. We were so encouraged to get to know some family who are also walking out a relationship with Christ. They set up time for me to share in a college group in their church. Somehow, people were singing along by the end of the concert! And it seemed like God, that through this small group of broke college students, He provided above and beyond what we expected financially, instead of through the mega-church that we were counting on for some CD sales. He continues to keep us on our toes and remembering that He knows far better than we do. He is ultimately the One that provides.

So tomorrow we leave for New York City and we will get to spend Easter with my brother, Matt. We have a week to explore the city and then on Tuesday I will share my songs and  our story with Matt’s Fellowship Group  from Redeemer Presbyterian.

It has been to cool to see how God has allowed us to bring what we have to offer into so many different types of environments, and yet it has translated to each one because we are lifting up the Word. And no matter where you are or who you are serving, the Spirit of God moving through the Word of God is what unites us and keeps us moving towards a common goal.

Proverbs 4:18

This morning I am thinking of the path before us and how true this proverb is;  the light continues to get brighter and brighter as we walk forward, asking God to help keep our feet on the right path. Sometimes we have to step out in the darkness of dawn, when it seems like there is only the hazy promise of light that is coming. But as we walk forward and plant our feet sturdily on the path we know is right; slowly, steadily, the light of dawn breaks and we begin to see the path before us with growing clarity.

So we are on the road again. And this proverb could be our anthem. When David and I left Sebring, FL in the middle of March we had a pencil sketch of where we were headed up the East Coast to continue sharing my music. We started off in the mountains of Western North Carolina where we tucked ourselves away in the cutest little cabin for a week of quality time with each other before we embarked on a journey of being in other people’s space. It was a deeply refreshing time with each other and with the Lord. Then we scooted up to Greensboro where a couple of our dear friends from Sebring are living right now. We got to see their world there and were introduced to a thriving community within their church. It was really special to see them doing so well. I got to share my music with them in a house concert on Friday night.

Then we were on to Richmond, where a friend from our year at Bible school lives. We did some exploring of this cool town and really enjoyed the time we spent with our friend and her family. They hosted a house show on Saturday night (which was preceded by watching the college basketball Final Four game since VCU, located in Richmond, was making an unexpected appearance so far along in the tournament). So after VCU lost I got to serenade their broken hearts (Naomi’s Song really hit home since they felt like they had been emptied;D).  Sunday night I shared in our friend’s youth group with a group of really amazing teenagers that love the Lord.

Monday morning we made our way to Springfield to stay with my friends that I recorded my CD with.  I got to play at their church, Frontline Arlington, again on Monday night. I led worship with their team and sang a few of my own songs as well. Tuesday was my birthday! Started out the morning with some excellent coffee and pastries at a cute cafe in Arlington and spent the rest of the day just hanging out and answering Birthday calls from the people I love. David treated me to some birthday shoes (super cute). And then our sweet friends hosted a little get together to celebrate with us and we got to meet some really cool people. An impromptu house concert ended up happening and our new friends were so pumped about what David and I are doing, and they all went home with CD’s ready to listen on their way home! It was a really great birthday. Today, as soon as I finish this post, we will go take in the sights of DC on this beautiful spring day (the cherry blossoms are amazing right now I hear).

Every day of this week has held opportunities to share my music, some planned and some not! It is exciting to realize that when we stepped out on the path forward in the dim light of dawn, the light of day has become brighter and brighter to direct us into each new step of obedience.

After God brought Jonah through all the consequences of rebellion (think 3 days in belly of whale) and pulled his life back up from the pit, He confirmed his call. Jonah’s call hadn’t changed because he had proved himself unworthy… God already knew that. But He still wanted Jonah to go to the people of Nineveh with a message. And Jonah was finally ready to be obedient. He steped out to share God’s word, and what followed is what seems like an immediate response from the king and the people; a response of obedience and readiness to get right with God. This was a huge deal! Nineveh was the capital of Assyria… the nation that had taken Israel into captivity. They were know for their brutality and for their pagan practices. And yet they instantly recognized the truth of a God that had a claim on their life, and they recognized Jonah as a messenger of God.

As we covered this I was thinking, “why was it that easy? it’s never that easy!”

But the discussion began talking shape about how this chapter is a picture of what ministry looks like when God has gone before you and prepared hearts. That is when true ministry happens.

My responsibility is to show up and to be walking in obedience with Jesus. I need to have made sure that I am personally ready to share the words that God has given me to share, and then share them with a pure heart. And then the response is completely dependent on God. I am not a changer of hearts! But He is. So it has been my desperate prayer that God would go before me and do the work of preparation that only He can do.

Not only are the results dependent on God, they are are decided by God. The next part of Jonah’s story that struck me was Jonah’s selfish response to what God did. When he saw the way God decided to show compassion and turn His wrath away because of the genuine repentance of the people, he was mad! In one sense, he had a reason to be angry as he had seen his people abused by this nation. The last thing Jonah wanted was for God to have mercy on them. He wanted judgment to fall on them! But he is stuck in his own assessment of the situation and he can’t lift his eyes to the bigger picture. So the lesser known final chapter of Jonah is him throwing a pity party for himself because God didn’t move in the way he wanted Him to.

I found myself relating to this attitude a little too deeply! In fact, I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit and had to ask for forgiveness right there in class that day. Too often I have been nearsighted and let the physical outcome of my work in ministry decide whether or not I am going to feel successful. Sometimes God is doing something totally different than I think He is, and I need to be willing to trust Him in that. My sense of success can never be dependent on whether or not people respond in the way that affirms me. God’s view of success is SO much bigger than mine… as much bigger as His view of the universe is than mine, and right now I can only see the computer in front of me. Over and over His call to me has been to lay down what I think constitutes success and let Him be in charge of that. Don’t count people in chairs, don’t count CD’s being sold, don’t even count how many people said they were blessed. Even if none of those things happen, I can know that God holds the results and there may be deeper ones than I could even quantify with my petty lists. My only sense of success should come if I can lay my head on my pillow tonight and know that God is pleased with how I used what He’s given me. Obedience is my responsibility and the rest is God’s. It’s relieving, actually.